


Scouts Honour

by Aspiration_Feed



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Eventual Romance, F/M, Pre-Canon, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-03-29 10:14:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13925001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aspiration_Feed/pseuds/Aspiration_Feed
Summary: When you joined the Survey Corps you weren't expecting to be thrown into it so fast





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First time writer, please be gentle!  
> Erwin needs more love and I'm here to try and help fill the gap  
> I'm so bad at coming up with titles and such, I definitley didn't think that far ahead. Enjoy!

You had just joined the survey corps after three years of training. You had been the only adult in your training squad. You didn’t mind though, they all looked up to you like a big sister. You smile as you recall all the nights spent up with the younger cadets as they asked you so many questions about life. Sighing, you look in the mirror and adjust your ponytail one last time before stepping out.

You arrive in the mess hall, seeing a few familiar faces, you wave back at them as you grab your tray. Noting the Commander you had only just met last night. You had heard word that he only inherited the position a few months ago, impressive considering he couldn’t have been more than 8 years older than you ‘He must have joined the military young' you thought guiltily You were long past the age most joined the military, but hey at least you finally got in. You'd planned on joining the Survey Corps anyways, but his exemplary speech had solidified it for you, even more impressive for a new commander. You were excited to see what he could bring to the Survey Corps, plus looking up to that face all the time wasn’t too bad. Even a few from your class that were planning on joining the MPs had followed you there. He looks your way and nods, you smile and nod back and he immediately goes back to his conversation with Levi. ‘He’s way too serious’ you think to yourself as you grab your tray and sit down with some fellow new recruits. “Hey _____, how does it feel to finally be in the Survey Corps? We did it!” exclaims Agar. You smile “Yeah we did, we’ll be slaughtering titans in no time!” you both high five and go back to your meals chatting about nothing and everything. You could say the two of you have become best friends over this time, despite him being about 5 years younger than you, you felt like you didn’t bond with anyone quite as much as him. You lean forward, whispering “maybe I can get me a piece of that commander while I’m here too” you giggle and he smacks your hands, sending you into a frenzy of laughter, making Erwin and Levi, turn to look at you two, before going back to their conversation. “_____, if they heard You!” he exclaims “they’d what? Punish me? Ok” you held out your hands for imaginary cuffs while giggling still. He rolls his eyes, biting into his bread. Food was surprisingly good here in the Survey Corps. You hadn’t eaten this good since….well ever. You didn’t come from a poor district, but you still had your struggles, your parents died when you were young, leaving you to care for your little brother. He was finally old enough you could leave him with trusted friends, he was planning on joining the military too when he came of age. You couldn’t imagine him being brave enough to join the survey corps like you did, but maybe he’ll learn it from the training corps commander screaming at him. You pick up some eggs with your fork, inspecting them before popping them in your mouth. Looking up at the handsome commander again. 

Today they wanted to see what the new recruits strengths and weaknesses were. You had surprised yourself with how good you got at hand to hand combat, ODM was still a challenge for you, but if the need arises you could definitely pull it off. You ready yourself as you get paired off with a boy similar sized to you, smirking, you already knew you could take him down. You’d done it so many times in the training corps already. He comes at you with full force, you dodge his attack and throw your knee into his side making him keel over, you then kick out his shins as you grab his shirt collar throwing him onto his front. He falls for a moment before getting up and charging at you again, he’s going for your knees, you let him take you down and you manuever him mid fall so he land on his back with your knee on his chest. Winded, he chokes out “Yield! Yield! I yield” you chortle as you offer your hand to help him up, he takes it reluctantly and you both turn to face Commander Erwin. His brows furrowed in thought as he writes notes. He looks up at the two of you staring at him expectantly. “Cadet Rielly, we need to train you in more defensive moves. Cadet ____, excellent work” you beam, elbowing Rielly cockily. “Cadet ____, pair up with …” he looks over the list until he finds an opponent he thinks might knock you down a peg or two “Cadet Jorah” on hearing his name you gulp. This guy isn’t from your training squad, he is as tall as the commander, he is quite large for a teenager. You look over to Rielly who is stifling his laughter, then back at Erwin, still serious. Biting your lip you step out and wait for Jorah to step up, cracking his knuckles. You put your dukes up and ready yourself for him, circling each other he finally makes a move by throwing a fist toward you, dodging it you knee him in the leg, he didn’t even flinch, your eyes widen in panic as he takes another swing at you, barely dodging it, you grab his outstretched arm and pull it forward and kneeing his stomach. You kick his legs out from under him, he takes you down with him as he falls. Inadvertently slamming your head into a rock. “Augh” you scream as blood comes pouring out. You clock him right in the jaw, and tackle him down getting blood on both of your brand new uniforms. “Enough” shouts Erwin with his hand up in the air. He approaches you with a serious tone. “Cadet ____, go to first aid. That’s enough training today” you wipe the blood that’s now dripping into your eye, “sir” you say quietly as you exit the sparring grounds. Jorah has stood up now, trying to explain to the new commander that he didn’t mean to do it, there was a rock, he pointed at the ground where a rock jutted out, covered in your blood. “go with her, make sure she finds it, I can’t have a new recruit go down on their first day” “Sir!” he salutes sloppily before running after you. Erwin looks back at you holding your head as you walk towards the first aid building as Jorah catches up to you and you push him away. He shakes his head, biting back a smile, he writes ‘Extremely skilled, shows off too much” 

While your head is getting stitched, you glare at Jorah while he profusely apologizes. “I don’t even know your name” He exclaims. You grit your teeth as a stitch goes in. “It’s _____” he look relieved you finally spoke to him. “_____, I’m so sorry, I didn’t see the rock there” “ugh it’s fine Jorah, well be dealing with a lot worse once we get out there. We haven’t even seen a titan yet, this is nothing compared to what’s waiting for us outside the walls” you wince as the last stitch is tied off. The doctor places a bandage over your wound. “Good as new” she says smiling. “I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure of meeting you guys yet, are you some of the new recruits?” she asked “yeah” you said, rubbing your head. “Great! I’m Hange Zoe, I’ve been here just over a year, it’s a great team we have here. I heard a rumor that I’ll be up for promotion soon, so maybe I will be your squad leader!” she says excitedly. You and Jorah exchange glances ‘Ok so not a doctor’ you think. “Thanks Hange, I’m ____, this is Jorah, the brute that cracked my head open” Hanji squeals in laughter as Jorah looks at you dumbfounded “It was an accident!” he says loudly. “yeah, yeah, let’s get back and see if the Commander wants us to do more training today. I thought he was going to pummel you when I saw the look on his face” you get up as Jorah looks at you terrified. You grin at how someone twice your size can be such a scaredy cat. Hange shrugs “Don’t worry, he’ll wait and just make you titan bait” You both laugh as Jorah gives you death glares. “see you later Hange” 

Back at the sparring grounds you check in with the Commander, he sees your bandage, probably much larger than it needs to be “Hange stitch you up?” He asks pointedly, you nod “Yes Sir, 4 stitches” you jokingly glare at Jorah as he stands impressively straight in front of the commander, sweating profusely. “Hmm” he says thoughtfully. “I’ve removed the rock, and have sent other cadets to ensure there are no more. It’s best if we avoid injury before we leave the walls” He writes more, you look up at him, the top of your head is about level with his chin, He makes you feel like the young one for once. “____, would you be willing to show Rielly some of those defense moves you used?” He looks down at you, serious, but he seems to have softened. You’re surprised he asked you instead of telling you to. “Yes sir” His eyes seem to twinkle at you as you say it “Cadet Jorah, you may pair up with someone else, make an effort not to crack any more heads” he said so deadpan you couldn’t tell if he was joking or not. Jorah takes his leave and Erwin turns back to you. “If you don’t feel alright, you may take the rest of the day” ‘he seems pretty concerned for me, maybe I do have a chance’ you thought slyly. “I feel perfectly fine sir, I’m sure this is nothing compared to what we will deal with out on the field” you stated. He nods and motions Rielly to come back. “Please, continue” he states before walking off to assess other new recruits. “Wow he seems to have developed a soft spot for you pretty fast, I guess old people like you guys bond quickly” you roll your eyes at him “we aren’t old, Rielly” you look to the commander watching two recruits sparr with his hand in his chin. “Well maybe he is” you both laugh. 

In the mess hall you sit down with your new friends, motioning Agar to come over. Agar grins as he sits down across from you “So how’s your mission going?” You kick his leg under the table causing him to yelp loudly “Its not a mission, I was only joking” taking a sip of his soup, Agar says nonchalantly “interesting, I heard that he paid special attention to you today” you throw your head in your hands, embarrassed that your new friends were hearing this. “ha! I knew it” shouted Rielly, laughing and punching Jorahs arm. You are mortified that these kids were teasing you about a crush. ‘I’m older than them for fucks sake’ you think. “okay guys, enough, enough” you put your arms up in defeat as they stifle their laughter. “how did your sparring go today, Agar? I didn’t even see you out there” he sighs and pulls down his collar revealing a huge red bruise. You look at it and clench your teeth “yikes” you say as you sip your soup, cupping the bowl to get the warmth. You glance up to see the commander looking at you, he notices you see him and he quickly averts his eyes away. You laugh to yourself ‘is the commander checking on me?’ 

You’re walking through the halls, checking the place out, trying to get familiar with it. You wander down a hall and see a door with a 'Commander Erwin Smith' plaque upon it. You smiled, of course you’d end up here. The door is slightly open and you could see him filling out paperwork inside. His uniform jacket is draped on the chair, and his sleeves are rolled up, showing his muscular arms. You bite your lip, imagining what they would feel like around you. Almost as is he could read your thoughts he says your name. ‘shit’ you think as you try to come up with an excuse as to why your outside his office. Suddenly he’s at the door, he’s opened it and is already motioning for you to come inside. You swallowed and entered his office. He shut the door behind him and your ears perk up at the sound. You gaze around his office, a fairly large room, his desk right in front of a window, a mass stack of paperwork sits on his desk. Bookshelves stuffed to the brim. He sits himself down behind his desk, and motions for you to take a seat. You do reluctantly. “how is your head ____?” He asks thoughtfully. “oh…umm” you touch it almost forgetting it was there. “it uhh it feels fine sir” you say. “Just call me Erwin” he says smiling. “of course, s- Erwin” he leans back in his chair, looking at the bandage. “I’m glad you came by, ____. I noticed you have excellent hand to hand combat skills, I would like to have you in special training, I can see great potential in you. Levi is our top fighter, though he is new to the Survey Corps, he has shown impressive courage and power. I believe if you train under him you can become an excellent soldier” his hands clasped together seriously as he said this. You couldn’t believe he was saying this to you on the first proper day here. Especially after you’re injury today. “of course, we will have a better grasp of your skills, after the next couple days of assessment. But I do believe you would be an excellent candidate for this new training” he leans forward, you can’t help but look at his lips, forcing your eyes upward, you see he is staring at you intently, waiting for an answer. “That would be wonderful, Com- Erwin” you say smiling. He softens his gaze, leaning his elbows on the desk. “Great, I look forward to seeing your ODM skills tomorrow, you may take your leave” You nod your head, and get up, looking back at him one more time as you go, he is already looking down at his papers again. Shutting the door behind you, you step out. 'Wow, he really thinks you’ll be that good?' You were beaming as you trotted down the hallway.

It's been a long day, you were pretty exhausted. You lie down on your bed, closing your eyes. Then the door opens, your roommate comes flying in, throwing herself on the bed. “Unnnff I’m so tired, I can’t believe I got so roughed up” she exclaims into her pillow, sitting up she looks at you staring at her, eyes moving up to your bandage “Well it isn’t that bad I suppose” she pouts. You were really hoping not to have roommates after training, but at least now it’s only two of you staring a room, not four. You’re roommate was only 16, you felt so old next to her, only a 10 year difference, but she was very immature even for her age. You couldn’t believe she managed to make it through 3 years of training. You yawn, stretching out and turning to her “It'll only get worse” you state, before blowing out your candle, sinking the room into darkness.

You let the water run down you in the shower, sighing as it warmed you up and soothes your bruised body. You move to the mirrors, peeling off the bandage, cleaning your would with the solution Hange gave you, cringing as it stings the cut, you opt to leave the bandage off and let it breathe before you do more training. You throw on your uniform, ODM straps and make a b-line for the mess hall. 

Grabbing your tray you notice Agar pointing his head in the direction of the commanders table, notices Erwin and Levi talking and Erwin gesturing your way, you look back at Agar with a puzzled look and start to walk toward his table when you hear your name, looking back you see the Commander motioning you to his table. You shoot Agar another look before heading to their table, you stand there looking dumbfounded. “please, sit” Erwin says warmly while Levi looks at you with almost a scowl. Though you’ve heard he looks at everyone like that. Once your seated you say “Hi, I’m ____” you hold your hand out to Levi “Tch I know who you are brat” ‘oh’ you think as you slowly draw your hand back to your side. “Levi please” Erwin says to the smaller man. “_____, this is Levi I was telling you about, you and a handful of others will be training under him” you listen to Erwin attentively as he talks, moving your eyes over to Levi who just stares forward, expressionless. ‘geez what happened to him?’ You think. “the day after tomorrow you will begin your training, we will meet here in the mess hall at 6am sharp.” “great” you say smiling, unsure of why you’re the only one brought into this conversation if there’s going to be a handful of you. You wondered who they may be. “You can get back to you’re little friends brat” Levi says abruptly, interrupting your thoughts. Erwin glares at him, before turning back to you “thank you ____” you force a smile as you get up and join Agar. “what the hell was that about?” He whispered aggressively. You take a bite of your oatmeal, pointing your spoon at him “wouldn’t you like to know” you chuckle before taking another bite while Agar glares at you. “Come on ____, really just tell me” holding your spoon in your mouth, you pretend to struggle with deciding to tell him, much to Agars annoyance. “okay, fine. I’ve been picked to have special training after our assessment, they think they can turn me into some sort of super soldier” Agar looks at you with a blank face, then fumes “Are you serious!? We’ve been here one day and already? By the walls ____, you banging him already or something!?” you laugh at this shushing him “of course I’m not, I guess they just saw how I kicked everyone’s asses yesterday and they were impressed. “ you said on a sassy tone while flicking some oatmeal back into the bowl before eating another bite. “unbelievable” Agar says, shaking his head. You smile at his annoyance and push his arm “Hey, maybe you’ll impress them enough to get asked too. Up your game Agar!” you teased.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Trying to get on my good side?” You turn to see Erwin leaning in the doorway, arms crossed and eyebrows raised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying out a new format as well. I feel like this might make it easier to read. Thanks for the kudos on the last Chapter guys!

You join the rest of the new recruits as they are being handed the ODM gear, you breathe out nervously, knowing this isn’t your best strength.

Agar elbows your side and motions his head to the commander walking up to address the recruits.

You gulp as he looks right into your eyes for what feels like an eternity, you smile slightly as he quickly continues to move his eyes around to ensure all the recruits are here.

“Are you seriously telling me nothing is going on with you two?” He whispered causing you to giggle and shake your head. Agar looks at you in disbelief, and you shake your head again saying “no there’s nothing going on I swear!” you say laughing.

Not to say you wouldn’t mind if there was..

“Alright recruits” Erwins booming voice snaps you our of your laughing fit and the two of you straighten up.

His blue eyes scanning the crowd, landing on your stitches for a moment, then moving on. You feel an elbow in your side again, and stifle a laugh, trying to keep a straight face.

“We will be assessing your ODM skills in this grove of trees. You must go up, go through the hoop, slice the nape, and come back down again, ideally with no incidents” he looks at Jorah, sweating profusely again.

Stifling your laughter again you elbow Agar gently, continuing to look forward.

Erwin paces back and forth as he talks to the new recruits. Arms behind his back, he continues “You have two minutes to accomplish this task” He says matter of factly.

Levi joins him and stands straight, facial expression never changing. He looks at you, seemingly annoyed at your presence. You try to avert your eyes, but you can feel them burning into you.

Erwin calls up two cadets, and sends then up to do the task. They slam into each other almost immediately, causing Levi to pinch the bridge of his nose in embarrassment.

They persevere and fly through the hoop perfectly, they slice the nape, one didn’t do it deep enough. Erwin takes it in, nods with his famous serious demeanor and writes down a couple notes.

They work their way through the crowd, two recruits at a time, until it is finally you and Agars turn. As you walk up you look to Agar for reassurance, Erwin says the word and the two of you are up in the air, you flawlessly jump through the hoop together and slam down on the fake nape, your sword gets stuck so you detach it so you don’t slam into the wooden titan. Grimacing as you hope it doesn't dock you any points, you land back down to where you started and looked hopefully at Erwin and Levi.

Erwin furrows his brows and writes a couple notes. Levi sizes you up, you can’t tell of he’s impressed or disappointed. His face never seems to change. You and Agar share a glance, as Erwin motions for the next pair to go up.

You step back to watch as one of the recruits immediately slams into a tree, you hear laughter behind you but don’t dare to laugh again in front of the Captain. You put your hand to your mouth hiding your smile.

Erwin peers over his clipboard, waiting as the recruits fixes herself and flies up through the hoop, then other one has already finished the task and was landing as she finally slices the nape ‘not deep enough’ you thought to yourself as your idiot roommate finally landed in front of you.

She shoots you a look of anger as you hold your hand to your mouth, trying so hard not to make a sound.

You look behind and realize that was the last group you recompose yourself and bring your hand down, looking to Levi and Erwin as they discuss.

“Return your ODM gear and head to the classroom with Squad leader Mike” Erwin motions to Ness. ‘Wow' you think to yourself 'everybody in this whole regiment seems so young, most soldiers i've seen in the Garrison and MP were middle aged. I guess they just don’t face the danger the Survey Corps does’ you fall in line and join the rest of the group heading inside.

 

  
Ness was here to teach the Long-range scouting formation. It was a newer technique, adopted by the Survey Corps when Erwin took over as Commander. You noticed that even the senior officers were jammed in the classroom learning this with the new recruits.

It seemed simple enough, but required you memorizing a lot. Ness ensured we won’t go on any expeditions until we could recite it without looking at a diagram.

‘Fair enough’ you thought as you absent mindedly scratched your stitches. ‘shit’ you thought as you felt wetness on your fingers. You pull a piece of gauze out of your pocket and press it down to stop the bleeding. You continue writing notes, while holding the gauze down.

So many flare colours to memorize.

You decide to see Hange after this lesson is over. Just as you thought that, Ness sent everyone off for dinner.

You gather up your notes and shove them in your pocket, still holding the gauze your head, you grab Agars arm and ask him if you wrecked your stitches, lifting the gauze he looks and shakes his head. Relieved, you decide to just head to the mess hall instead. You press down more on the gauze, Agar looks at you. “Are you going to be ok? ____” you nod your head, trying to shake him off. “You’ve only had stitches for a day and you’ve already fucked them up” You glare at him “You said it looked fine!” “Well…I don’t know are you still bleeding?" he lifts the gauze off your head, seeing the smeared blood on your forehead he chokes back a laugh “You look great….I swear” he says not even trying to keep his laughter anymore. “Ugh” you roll your eyes as you finally reach the mess hall.

 

‘Damn, big line up’ you thought to yourself as you step in line behind Agar.

You press the gauze down again for good measure. Suddenly you feel a smack on your back as Jorah steps in behind you “Ow! What the fuck, can’t you see I’m still recovering from your damage from yesterday” you say half sarcastically.

He laughs and says “You’ll never guess what” quieter than his usual self. You and Agar look at him, brows up, waiting for him to tell you. He is relishing in the suspense. “Just fucking spit it out” you say in a harsh whisper. “I’ve been chosen for special training with Levi” he quietly announced, full of pride, sporting a huge smile.

You look up at him and smirk “Yeah, looks like we’re in it together. I was approached about it yesterday” he deflates a little “Oh you too? I wonder who else is in?” You both look to Agar, he looks a little discouraged. “Well they haven’t approached me, I mean I’m not the best soldier anyways” he shrugged, trying but failing to hide his disappointment.

You finally get to the front of the line and get your food, scanning the room for a spot the three of you can sit at, you settled on the table adjacent to the commanders table. As you sit down you all share a look.

“So what do you think they need special training for anyways?” whispered Jorah. You glance at the commanders table before you say anything. Erwin and Levi seem to be talking in hushed tones as they gesture to different tables and talk seriously.

Mike sits down with them and exclaims “By the walls, do you guys ever take a break?” biting into his food, he continues “Just enjoy your meal” Levi scowls at Mike and turns back to Erwin causing Mike to throw his arms up into the air in frustration.

As Erwin turns to talk to Levi, he notices you glance at him, and softens his expression for a split second before returning his attention to Levi. You were already looking down at your plate of food, unaware that he had looked back to you again.

 

After dinner, you and several other new recruits were assigned to muck up the horses. You sigh as you approach a stable, you tie a handkerchief over your nose, preparing for the smell. To your surprise it was quite clean already, you barely had to shovel anything at all. You mentally high five yourself for picking this stable.

As you set to work brushing this huge grey horse, it licks your cheek, you laugh as wipe your cheek rubbing the horses large nose in return. You keep brushing the horse with a smile, unaware of the figure watching in the doorway. “Trying to get on my good side?” You turn to see Erwin leaning in the doorway, arms crossed and eyebrows raised.

You look back to the horse and put two and two together. With a nervous smile you say “I take it this one is yours?” He nods, walking closer to you. Blushing you go back to brushing as he comes up beside you scratching behind the horses ear, the horse turns up and licks him too, making you laugh.

“You have a very friendly horse” you say without looking up. He smiles, concentrating on the horse , trying not to look at you. Not knowing what to say, you decide to try to exit the situation. “I’ll leave you to it” you say gently, starting to walk away “You’re welcome to stay and finish if you like” grabbing a handful of food he lets the horse eat it out of his hand. You stand there for a moment, watching him “Sure” you say as you come back and start on the other side of his horse.

He grabs another handful of food, he looks over to you as his horse ate from his hand. You’re looking down in concentration as he studied your face, feeling his eyes on you, you gulp and keep your head down. His eyes land on your stitches and he breaks the silence “How is your head feeling?” He points at his own forehead, his icy blue eyes glowing under the lantern light.

You finally look up at him “It’s much better, I just need to remember not to touch it” you dart your gaze down again, petting the horse, earning you a big lick across your face. “Ughh” you laugh as you begin to wipe your face off. The commander lets out a soft laugh and walks over to you, using his cloak to gently clean you up. ‘Does he treat all of his new recruits like this?’ You wonder to yourself.

He steps back and clears his throat “Um sorry…I” he begins to say, the tension between you two is incredible.

You shake it off “You don’t have anything to apologize for. I appreciate it” you say looking up at him. He presses his lips together and nods to you, not making eye contact. You can’t help but giggle at how nervous he seemed. This guy was the leader of the most dangerous regiment of the Military, and here he is nervous to talk to you.

He looks up, confused that you giggled. “Do I make you nervous, Commander?” You ask before you can stop yourself. You take a breath and brace yourself. He laughs. “Actually, a little bit, yes” he admitted. You’re taken aback by this.

“What? Really?” he looks back at you, clasping his hands together, pressing his lips. “You’re already such a force to be reckoned with, just days after finishing you’re training. It’s easy to imagine how powerful you will become in this regiment” he swallows.

You’re just glowing on the inside, you couldn’t believe what he said. “So…you think I’m that good?” You ask. He looks down “Yes. I’d say with the right training, you’ll be an exemplary soldier” he smiles up at you. 'Is this his way of flirting with me?’ You think. You blink at him. He clears his throat, searching for a way to change the subject.

"Thanks" you start to say before he accidentally cuts you off.

“Where are you from anyway?” He asks before turning his attention to his horse, avoiding your eyes. You noticed him not so smoothly changing the subject and decided to play along.

“I’m from Shiganshina” his eyes look up at this “So you’re very familiar with the condition we return in from each expedition, and you still decided to join” you shrug he leans back on his horse, earning another lick from her.

He clicks his tongue “So, you’ve seen us all before then” you nod “I was one of the people who would always scream at you when you came home” you joked. He chuckled at this, he was all too familiar with the angry crowds of Shiganshina, they didn’t understand what The Survey Corps really did. He couldn’t blame them, it looked terrible from their point of view, it really did look like it was just a death wish from the outside.

“What made you finally decide to join the military? Most join as teenagers” He asks. You look to the side, you get asked this so often. People always assume you're a teenager if you're new, it's considered strange to join as an adult.

“My parents died when I was young, I had to take care of my little brother until he was old enough to be taken in by a friend. He is also planning on joining the military, he wants to join the Survey Corps too” he looks down nodding, acknowledging it.

“I’m sorry to hear about your parents, may I ask what happened?” He says with concern in his eyes. You sigh and get ready to answer when he interrupts “I apologize, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to”

Looking up at him you say “It’s fine, there was a sickness that hit Shiganshina, a lot of people died, there was a doctor there that came up with a cure, unfortunately he was too late for my parents, but he saved my brother and I, I owe him my life”

He contemplates for a minute “It’s great that you’re brother still has you” he says putting his hand on your shoulder “I’m sure you did a great job raising him” you weakly smile as you subconsciously lean into his hand.

“What about you Commander? Any family?” “I’m the only one left” he says looking off. You move your hand up to join his, still on your shoulder. He looks at it and exhales, and focuses on your eyes for a moment. You can feel the intensity behind them, the sorrow that still lingered there. He quickly moves his hand away, averting his blue eyes from you.

“Sorry to bring it up” you finally said after what felt like an eternity.

You go in to embrace him in a hug, wondering if it’s too far, but he hugs you back. You revel in his warmth, letting a sigh slip out as you feel his chin on the top of your head. You can feel his heartbeat against you as he cradles you tightly in his arms, his scent bringing you comfort. You can feel his hand absent mindedly playing stroking your hair.

Closing your eyes you are thinking about how you could stay like this forever, your thoughts are interrupted when he suddenly separates from you and steps back. He clears his throat and looks like he's quite torn, clasping his hands together before he seems to decide something.

"Thank you for caring for my horses, ____" he says with a smile before making a swift exit.

You stand there watching him leave and just sigh before getting back to your task


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I hope your prepared, now that Levi realizes you’re the top of his squad, he’s going to work you to the bone” you groan loudly “Nooo”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this one is a bit "off" i'll probably come back and edit it at some point, but here's a new chapter!

In the morning you turn up to the mess hall a little early, quickly grabbing your tray and waiting to see who Levi and Erwin picked for the new Levi Squad. The hall has so few people in it, you were free to choose whichever spot you wanted. You opted to sit further from the commanders table than usual, you were a bit embarrassed by last night.

You shrug to yourself as you pick at your eggs, a little too nervous to eat. You’ve heard rumors about Levi, you heard he used to be a hardened criminal, and that he was a complete hard ass.

You see Levi and Erwin enter, Erwin notices you and immediately straightens up, nodding your way, you got the feeling that he was embarrassed, even with his perfect poker face, his eyes gave something away. It made you wonder if you went too far. You close your eyes and remember the feeling of his embrace.

Jorah slams his tray down beside you making you jump. “It's too early for that” you say dryly, picking your fork back up. “So…how was cleaning out the stables last night?” He asked with a surprisingly sly tone. “…it was fine” you reply with a look of confusion on your face. “Was commander Erwin pleased with your work?” He asked raising his eyes up. You knew exactly where this was going. “So you saw, huh?”

He laughs, forking more food into his mouth he says “oh yeah, no wonder you got into the Levi squad” you push his face away from you “it’s not like that, it was just a hug” You say exasperated. "Mhm" he states with raised brows.

You glare at him, stabbing your eggs with your fork. “I hug you sometimes, its not a big deal” "I'm not your commander" he replies quickly. "What are you even getting at?" You ask him, annoyed again. 

He tilts his head in laughter, making the few people in the room turn to look, including Erwin. You groan as you put your head in your hands. "I love to see you squirm" he says quietly after everyone turns away. “don’t worry I’m sure you guys will bang it out in no time” he chortles as Levi walks up

“You two, get ready to move out. We are leaving in two minutes.” He says with a tone of voice that snaps you both into proper sitting positions. You both nod as your eyes move to Erwin, standing and talking with Hange. You quickly finish your meal, putting everything away you stand by the door to await instruction. Jorah soon follows, you realize that Hange is also along for the ride, as well as two other senior soldiers. Levi looks at the five of you and motions you to come with him. Erwin follows behind all of you.

 

Levi and Erwin stand in front of the five of you, they had gotten you to put on your ODM gear beforehand so you knew it was going to involve a lot of flying. Levi speaks to the group, as Erwin stands tall, watching the group and seeming to keep an eye on Levi as well. 

Levi finishes talking and you realize you barely heard a word he said. Hange squealed in delight, as Levis eyes shifted to her and rolled back in annoyance.

“Let's begin” Erwin stated, walking with Levi to that same grove of trees you’ve trained at before. “Today, we want you to make it through the trees completely on ODM, taking down every titan on your way. You’ll have four minutes to complete” Erwin states. Hange squeals again, making Levi roll his eyes once more. “fine, you can go first” he gestures to her. You and Jorah exchange smirks.

“Yeahhhh” she shouts as she flies up into the trees. “Tchh” you hear as you watch her move through the trees with surprising grace. She hit almost all of the titan necks, only missing one due to overshooting herself and inadvertently landing back in front of the group. She's out of breath and has her hands up in the air. “Great.” Says Levi with no emotion.

“You’re up next” he nods his head to you. Gulping, you step up, peering back at Levi and Erwin, waiting for their signal, Erwin only looks at you for a split second as Levi motions you forward. Nodding, you zip up into the trees, you move faster than you’ve ever moved in ODM gear before, you spot a wood titan and slice it nearly in half, another one and you spin around to slice that one, you see another lower down and whiz down and hit it backwards. Flying up again you ram both swords into another, searching for another as you soar through the air, you spot one and launch yourself toward it, nearly missing you double back and hit it, shattering both swords. You cringe as you hope they don’t see that as a bad thing, you get all of them and land back down in a stumble.

Levi looks at you, hand on his chin, he peers at Erwin and then back at you. “Hmm” he says. And motions the next to go up. You stand there for a moment as you hear the whizzing of the ODM wires behind you , you awkwardly move back to the line up giving Jorah a ‘what the fuck’ look. He shrugs his shoulders.

As the senior soldier lands back down, Levi motions for Jorah to go up next. You watch as your friend flies up into the trees, slamming his swords into the wooden titans, he managed to miss the same one Hange did too. So far you were the only one who had hit all of them. Couldnt help but being proud of how you've seemed to get better at ODM since you got here. Not wanting to be cocky you bite back the smirk that was threatening to show on your face.

You crossed your arms and glance over at Erwin, who was also looking at you. You lock eyes for a moment before he tears his gaze away again. ‘Come on Erwin, please don’t make this weird’ you thought to yourself as Jorah comes flying down, skidding as he lands, getting another “Tch” from Levi.

You hand in your ODM gear, after taking the time to replenish it. You head back over to the small group as Levi begins to talk “Alright, the only one who managed to get all of the titans was _____, three of you are senior soldiers, get your shit together if a rookie can do better than you” the three of them hang their heads in shame as your eyes widen at Levi complimenting you.

“Don’t get too used to it, ____. You're performing unncessary moves, the titans don’t give a shit about your moves, all we need to know is that you can take down a titan without getting killed. Also, you used too much gas” Erwin stifles a laugh at this as Levi glances at him with a slight tug on his lips. ‘some inside joke?’ You thought.

Levi begins to walk back and forth in front of you guys, inspecting the five of you. “I’m going to need all of you to be at peak performance, this squad is to be the squad that gets shit done when others can't. We will be the ones tasked with the important missions, putting our lives on the line for Commander Erwin” he finished. You all stand straight hearing this, glancing at each other.

 

  
'One…more…lap' you think as you finish your 4th lap around the HQ, looking back you see Jorah panting and sweating like you’ve never seen before. You laugh to yourself as one of the senior soldiers passes you. You keep your pace steady, barely breaking a sweat, you’ll save the high speed for the last half. You see Erwin and Levi standing and watching, Erwins eyes watching you intently until Levi pulls his attention to say something.

You speed up, heart racing as you surpass the soldier who passed you before, you are back in the lead. Not that it’s a race of course, but it felt good to be on top. You stop when you get back to Levi and Erwin. Erwin hands you a glass of water, you take it graciously, grazing his fingers as you take it from him. You see him swallow hard, you smirk as you take a sip. One by one the rest of the squad arrive back, Levi and Erwin handing out water, you ‘accidentally’ let some water drip down your chin, wiping it with your hand as you keep looking at your commander. He clenched his jaw and averts his eyes.

  
You step out of the shower, change and get set for dinner. You sigh as you get into the mess hall, slinging your damp hair over your shoulder. You sit down, your body is sore, you are exhausted from the day. ‘This is what it’ll be like being in the elite squad’ you think resting your head on your hands, looking up when you hear Hange squeal. You groan as she comes right up to your table talking a million miles a minute.

You barely pay attention to her until Agar joins you, elbowing her side. You snort as you take a bite of your dinner. You just wanted to go to bed, but you knew you had more responsibilities and just thinking about them made you more exhausted. “Hange, how do you always have so much energy?” You asked annoyed.

She laughs and says “I’m just so excited to be here! I can’t wait until we finally get approved to capture a titan, they said they want me to be in charge of studying them. Oh think of all the things I can learn. EEkkkk” she shakes you.

You sit up “Ok, and I’m done. See you tomorrow” you make a swift exit, moving as fast as your legs can carry you, peeking back to make sure she isn't following you. 

 

  
It’s been several weeks of your training, you are finally getting used to it. You feel stronger than ever. You’ve been having little conversations with Erwin here and there, he’s even invited you to his office to assist with paperwork. Seems he's chosen to ignore what happened. You didn't mind though, it's far better than getting punishment for being too forward with a superior. 

 

  
Stable duty again, great. Walking down the path, stretching as you move, you see the familiar stable, you wonder if you should go in for Erwins horse again. You peek in and see it’s empty, you figure, might as well get this one done.

You grab some oats and hold your hand out for the horse. She happily laps it up, you reward her with a pat on on the head as she licks your arm. You grab a brush and get to work on her. Somehow she already has mud on her. You hear footsteps and turn to see Erwin, he sees you and hesitates a moment before coming in.

“_____, how are you this evening?” you look back to the horse “I am so exhausted” you start to say as he gets closer “I guess that’s a perk of being in an elite squad” you look at him, with a small smile. “You love being the top in the squad, don’t you?” He teases, patting the horse. You shrug with a smile “I don’t hate it” you share a laugh. His gaze returns to you “____, I wanted to apologize” he says sincerely, you turn your full attention to him. He looks down and pets the horse again before looking up at you again

“We've gotten to know eachother over the last few weeks. I just want to remind you that even though i'm commander, you are always welcome to talk to me” he finishes. you exhale “I was a little surprised when you ran off on me that night, but thank you” he chuckles “Yeah, sorry about that” “So hug it out?” You joke, earning smile from him before he takes you in his arms again. 

“I was just about to go for a walk, do you want to join me?” He asks “Okay” you say softly with a smile, as you separate and he grabs a lantern guiding you out.

  
He takes you down a path you hadn't noticed before, you take in the sight around you, big blossoming trees, pink petals falling down around you. He looks over at you and drinks in the image of you looking so enamored. He gently grabs your arm, guiding you out into an open area, overlooking a shimmering river snaking in and out of a forest. He stops and watches as you look at the view, astounded.

“Wow, how did you find this place?” You ask looking up at him. He smiles down at you and admires the twinkle in your eyes. “When I first joined the scout regiment, I explored every inch of this place. There are alot of beautiful spots like this that nobody knows about” you nod and turn back to see the view before you let out a yawn

“You’re really tired from today aren’t you?” He questions. You nod again. He starts rubbing your back gently. “I hope your prepared, now that Levi realizes you’re the top of his squad, he’s going to work you to the bone” you groan loudly “Nooo” as he laughs.

You glance up at him again and see he's already looking at you in adoration. Blushing you let out a small laugh and look down again to hide it. He touches your shoulder, making your eyes dart up again. The previous tension between you has come back, you move your hand up to join his and look in his eyes.

You noticed his breathing has slowed and his brows are lightly furrowed, as if contemplating something. He suddenly leans close to you, breath on your cheek, you find your hands travelling up to his shoulders. You lock eyes, at this close proximity your sure he can hear your heart pounding. 

"______?" He says softly. "Mm?" You reply almost like a whisper "Can I.." he begins to say before you both hear screams coming from the base. You pull apart and regard eachother with worried glances, before running back through the path. When you get there you just see that it's a fight between two soldiers. Rolling your eyes you and Erwin both move to pull them apart.

 

"What is the meaning of this, soldiers?" He says angrily. Surprising you. The two boys look at him sheepishly. One rubbing the back of his neck, the other sitting on the ground fuming. "It's nothing Sir" he says gruffly.

Erwin sighs loudly, pinching the bridge if his nose. "You two have been on expeditions. You've seen the dangers we have to face outside the walls. Yet you fight in the yard over something so trivial you can't even tell me" he says in an aggressive tone.

They still say nothing. He pulls up the soldier from the ground like he was weightless, forcing him to his feet. Your eyes widen at seeing him so intense with his own subordinates. "Both of you can check in with Captain Levi tomorrow morning at 0700 hours. Im sure he has many tasks he can give to you" they groan a bit before Erwin gives them a glare. "You're dismissed" he spits out before they scramble off before giving sloppy salutes.

Erwin turns back to you and you watch as his angry face slowly turns more gentle. He seems to notice the look of shock on your face and he starts to say "They have been troublemakers since they came here last year. This is not the first time i've had to break up a fight eith those two" he smiles "Thank you for the help" 

You force a nervous smile before he asks you "Would you like some tea?" You're taken aback a bit by the question. "Is it a bit late for tea? We do have training early tomorrow" he waves that off "Herbal tea. It's excellent fot helping you fall asleep" you nod "I do usually need help" his eyes gleam at this, gazing at you waiting for an answer. "Tea sounds great" you finally say as you both head back to the main building.

 

Erwin insisted on making it himself, you reluctantly agreed, sitting in the empty mess hall with a single candle listening to the sounds coming from the kitchen.

"Ow" you hear, giggling you take the candle and head in to check on him. "Erwin?" You say cautiously and you see him clutching his hand. You rush over "Erwin what happened?" You hold his hands in yours trying to get a peek. 

His illuminated blue eyes travelled from your hands on his up to your eyes before quickly pulling his hands back "It's fine. It's only a small burn" You sigh at him before taking his hands and running then under cold water. 

"We can't have our Commander go down from a kettle of tea" you say laughing. "You probably don't have time to make your own very often do you?" He looks down at you bashfully "You're not wrong" he says with a tug on the corner of his mouth. 

You finally turn off the tap and press a cloth to his hands to dry them. He watches as you do this and you catch yourself saying "What?" "Oh..um it's just you don't have to do any of this" ignoring this you say "Looks like the tea is ready. You're hands feel ok?" He nods and goes to grab it when you stop him "I think i should do it" you laugh he shrugs "fair enough" 

His eyes peek at you over the teacup as he holds it to his mouth. This isn't the first time the two of you have stayed up late with tea, but usually you are having tea over paperwork. You ponder if you should ask him or not. Tapping the cup with your fingers, you glance at him before placing the cup down on the table, wrapping your fingers around it looking down at the amber liquid. 

"Erwin?" You finally ask. He moves the cup from his mouth, regarding you "Yes?" You shift in your seat, nervously. "What were you going to ask me up there?" He nearly chokes at this. Your ___ eyes widen in surprise "Are you ok?" You ask slamming your cup down and running over to grab his shoulders. 

He clears his throat one last time before he's fine again. "Sorry about that" he says before clearing his throat once more. You tut at him. "You have nothing to be sorry about, just glad you're ok. You seem to be having a rough night" you add with a smile, squeezing his shoulders quickly before taking your hands off his. His line of vision follows your hands and he swallows hard.

"Hey, are you okay?" You ask with worry etched on your face. You can clearly see something is up with him, taking a seat beside him on the bench you turn to him. He is just looking straight ahead, avoiding your gaze, sighing you add "I know you said I could come to you with anything" his eyes flicker over to you at this "I just wanted to say that it's the same for you" leaning into his shoulder you say "I am here for you too" 

He breathes in deeply and puts his best stoic face on. "Thank you _____"  he says as he wraps his arm around your shoulder, pulling you into him. You lean your head into his chest, feeling the warmth radiate from him. You fiddle with a button on his shirt, before trying again. "So.." you start to ask "What was it you were going to ask me?" He laughs, you can feel his chest rumbling against you making you smile.

Leaning your head up to see his face, he brings his hand up to your cheek. You blush a bit in surprise and before you can say anything he says "I was going to ask if I could kiss you" he mumbles before pressing his lips to yours. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if the pacing is wierd, I changed some of the timeline around.   
> Let me know what you think!  
> Thanks for the kudos on the last few chapters =)

Speechless, you stare at him wide-eyed and jaw nearly hitting the floor. You can see his contented look slowly fading as he realizes he may have been too forward. Panic starts to show up in his eyes.

"____, I am so sorry I think I misread the situation...I..." He fumbles before starting to get up but you grab his hand to keep him there.

He looks back down at you, searching your eyes. Your mouth has finally closed into a smile. "I'd be a little dissapointed if you never did that again" you finally say.

He relaxes a little and allows himself to settle back down on the bench. "So you.." "You didn't read it wrong" you finish for him. His mouth tugs into a smile, and within seconds the two of you have locked lips again.

Softly at first, testing the waters. He brings his hand up to your cheek as your arms meet his chest. He bravely grazes your lips with his tongue and you reciprocate by opening up for him. "Mm" he lets out as your tongues fight out for dominance. Pulling you closer with his other hand the two of you start to get more passionate.

When you finally pull apart you look at eachother, eyes half lidded and content. He strokes your cheek with his thumb and says "Well that was nice" followed by a silence before you both erupt into laughter.

"It was" you manage, wiping the laughter from your eyes. Erwin puts his forehead to yours with a soft smile, giving you light pecks on the lips before going back in again.

 

 

Waking up to the harsh morning light you groan and turn over, forcing your head down into the pillow. 'I stayed up way too late you think to yourself. Then the memory hits you and you jolt up grazing your lips with your fingers. Smiling to yourself you are snapped out of it when you realize your roommate is talking to you.

"Huh?" You say, rubbing your eyes. She clicks her tongue "I said you need to stop coming in so late, i'm sick of you waking me up" her uniform is already on and she clicks her tongue again before walking out, unaware of the middle finger you pointed her way.

You sink back into bed and grin thinking about that kiss. You wondered if it held any meaning or if it was just Erwins lapse of judgement. Whatever it was, you're just glad it happened. 

 

 

"Hey Agar!" You practically sprint after him. "What are you doing?" You ask when you notice him carrying a huge stack of books. He turns to you, nearly dropping them. You take a few in your arms and start walking with him. 

"Hange has taken a liking to me apparently, she has me doing all of these 'supply runs' for her" he says in a defeated tone.

"Sounds...interesting" you try to say convincingly. "It definitely isn't" he sighs. "At least you get to do actual fighting. Hange doesn't even seem phased that she's out of Levis squad" he says turning to you. 

"I'm sure she prefers doing the research more anyways. Plus that squad isn't all it's cracked up to be"

"Ha. Yeah I'm sure"

"Really" you look around to make sure nobody will hear you "Captain Levi is kind of a prick" you whisper.

He huffs, rolling his eyes at this. "Everyone already knows that ______" 

"I don't know, he seems to give me the worst of it. Everyone else does 4 laps, he makes me do 6, I bet he can't even do that" 

You share a laugh. "I've missed you, I feel like I never see you any more" you say in an almost whiney tone. 

"Remember in the training corps when we used to sneak wine into the barracks?" He asks with a sparkle in his eye.

Laughing with a nod you say "And that time that we let one of the youngins have some and he puked on the Commanders boots the next day?" He snorts loudly at this. "And to think he's in the MPs now.."

"All of our drunk heart to hearts in the middle of the night" he says wistfully. "I have an off day tomorrow, what about you?" His face glows "Me too" "Day drink?" "Fuck yes" 

You arrive at Hanges office and knock on the door "Come in!" You hear so loudly, you would have thought the door was open. Walking in you see Hange and Erwin sitting at her desk discussing something. 

He turns to see who came in and your breath hitches when his blue eyes look upon you. Agar gives you a puzzled look before stepping forward and extending his arm full of books out to her. She squeals in delight, taking them from his hands and slamming them onto the desk. Erwin only shakes his head. She sees your books and practically jumps out to grab them.

Your eyes widen as you sheepishly hand them over. "I can't wait to go over all this new research material"  she says excitedly while Erwin just grabs his chin "And just how much if your budget was spent on these books?" He says half joking. 

Her eyes, hidden by the glare of her glasses show nothing but a devious smile. "Oh Erwin, it's practically nothing!" She smacks his arms as he gives you a head tilt directed at her. You stifle a laugh with your hand.

"_____, you haven't checked in with me for a while. Did your stitches heal okay?" You touch the scar "Actually quite well, I almost forgot that happened to be honest" she beams "Good to hear!" 

Erwin grunts as he rises from his chair. "I'll take my leave now. Hange easy on the spending" She laughs at this, while he turns to leave, giving your arm a squeeze as he walks past and a hint of a smile that you hoped nobody else saw. 

"Hange do you need help with anything else?" Agar asks desperately. "No, no I'm quite fine. Please go do any other tasks you may have" He breathes a sigh of relief before stepping out, you following behind. 

"Ugh I have to go clean out ODM gear" Agar says, practically dragging his feet. "I am on stable duty for the millionth time since we've been here. Its like some kind of sick joke. I'd much rather clean ODM gear" 

Agar snickers "It's all good, this time tomorrow we'll forget all about it. When do you want to head into town?"

You hum and has for a while "Ten maybe? Sleep in but still have all day?" He purses his lips. "Sounds like a plan"

 

As your headed out to your well known spot, you see Erwin walking through the courtyard. You lightly brush your shoulder against him as you walk past. Shooting him a glance as you keep heading past. He gives you a smirk as he starts to head to where your headed. 

You purposely head to the very last stable, glancing over you see he is still following you. Giggling you quicken your pace and you see him duck into his personal one. 'Guess he's not playing' you shrug. 

Getting straight to work, it's become such a routine for you that you can have each one done in 10 minutes. Wiping your brow you finish off the first and head for the next. 

To your surprise Erwin is leaning against the post. You just stare at him waiting for him to say something. You really don't want to be the first to speak of last night's actions. 

His eyes are practically glowing as he inspects you. You both slowly start to crack into smiles as you step closer to one another. 

 

Preparations are being made for an upcoming expedition. Because of this Levi has been sending all his squad around the base dropping off papers, doing tasks for him over the past few weeks. You've haven't even been able to spend any time with Erwin except the times you drop off documents for him. He looks so tired, but his eyes still light up at the sight of you. Stealing kisses here and there with the paperwork has been getting the both of you through this. 

 

Groaning, you reluctantly walk up to Captain Levi, waiting on his word before you are to sprint from one end of the HQ to the other while he times you. Aware of how helpful it will be out there, you're still annoyed that he chose to do this test after sparring all day. It's been his favourite method of torture since the announcement of the expedition.

"Now" he says, motioning you forward. You don't hesistate, you move as fast as your legs can carry you in this dismal state. When you land back at Levis spot he huffs and writes down a time. 'Good or bad?' You wonder.

You watch as Jorah does his sprint, returning with a soaked shirt. "How the hell did you get so sweaty just from that? Are you okay" You asked him in half a whisper. He practically snarls at you making you step back with hands up. 

"She's right, it's fucking disgusting" Levi adds, not looking up from his paper. You just cross your arms and stare at Levi in irritation before the grey eyes are staring directly at you making your skin crawl.

"Do it again ____" he orders. Trying your best to stop yourself from rolling your eyes you get ready and tear off to do it for the third time tonight. 

Landing back you stare at Levi expectantly and he says nothing, just writes more. You share a glance with Jorah before Levi speaks. "Good stamina. No wonder Erwin likes you" 

Your mouth falls open and Levi looks up with a subtle glimmer in his eye that you may not have noticed had you not been working so closely with him the last few months. Jorah glances at you wondering what the hell Levi is talking about. If the rest of the squad heard, they didn't show it. 

You can see the ghost of a smile threatening to take over Levis lips "You're all dismissed"  he says as you get redder by the second. 

As everyone turns to leave you approach Levi in anger, leaving Jorah in your dust. "What the fuck Captain?" You spit at him.

He looks you up and down, before leaning back with his paper behind his back. "Oh i'm sorry, was it a secret?" He says with a smirk.

Provoked, you get right into his face, he doesn't even flinch which only infuriates you more. "I don't know what you think you know, but I won't have you making jokes about me in front of our squad" 

His brows raise "Our squad?" Sighing, annoyed you step back "You know what I mean" he squints his eyes at you

"I didn't think you would be so embarrassed of him, i've been told he's quite the catch" he says, you can tell he's trying to guage your reaction. Some kind of little game.

"What makes you think there's even anything going on?" You ask him meekly. His lips press together mischeviously. "You mean other than me walking into the mess hall and finding your tongues down eachothers throats?" 

You turn red again. "That was weeks ago" his eyes narrow at this "Why are you bringing this up now?"

Levi shrugs "Something to break up the monotony around here. I've already dismissed you," He motions you away before he starts to walk away, and you could have sworn you heard him snort.

He quickly turns around, you can see mischief still in his eyes "Why don't you go drop this off in Erwins office?" You glare at him and grudgingly snatch the paper from his hands before storming off.

 

 

Softly knocking at Erwins door, you hear a muffled "Come in". Gently opening it, you close it behind you and walk over to his desk. You see comically large amounts of paperwork sitting on his desk, nearly hiding him. 

He looks up at you and smiles "______, to what do I owe this pleasure?"  His smile is infectious, you move to hand him the paper and say "Levi insisted you needed this immediatley after our training" you say trying not to sound too sarcastic.

Erwin picks up on the sarcasm and narrows his eyes before looking at it. He chuckles and crushes it into a ball before tossing it in the trash. He sees your confused face and says "Levi never gives me these.... Probably so I won't see those innapropriate comments he wrote" 

You sigh and throw your hands in the air. "So he just sent me here for no reason but to piss me off?" You say. "Why would coming here piss you off?". You press your lips together and get closer to him. "He made a comment about us in front of the whole squad" 

Nodding with his chin on his hands he glances up to read your face. You weren't aware of the dejected look on your face until he was standing up behind his desk.

"He saw us, in the mess hall that night" Erwin huffs at this. "I'll have to talk to him about that" "Not necessary, I reamed him out about it already" Erwin smiles "I'd like to have seen that" 

Charmed, you look up at him again before he closes the gap between you. It's been days since your last kiss and the two of you are clearly in need.

When you come apart again the two of you are practically breathless as blue eyes meet _____ eyes. He moves the hair from your face and runs his nails softly down the side of your face. "Apparently ignoring you has great side effects" he says with with a smirk.

Throwing your head back in fake annoyance you face him again and clutch his chest strap. "You have no idea" you say with a sly grin while he looks at you in intrigue.

He squeezes your hips and breathes on your ear making you shudder "Is that so?" He purrs before nipping your earlobe sending tingles down your spine. 

You groan as he caresses your neck with his lips, closing your eyes and tilting your head to let him get closer. You can feel his smile pressing down on your neck and you grab his shirt collar and pull him into another kiss. 

"Oh I should go" you manage between kisses. "I should get back to work" he says as he continues to kiss you. Neither of you are willing to be the one to put a stop to this. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So funny thing, I have the ending completely mapped out but I almost wanna trash it and use it for another fic. I don't know though my plans for the ending of another one are too good though __Decisions ahhh__ the joys of being a first time writer haha! Thanks for sticking with me guys!

You’re sitting on the side of a river in town with Agar, the two of you are sharing a bottle of wine as you catch up, you feel like you haven’t properly talked to him in ages. You lean back and take a sip before handing it over to him.

“So how’s training going? Feel elite yet?” you look at him and snort “I feel like horse shit right now, thank you” he squeezes your arm in return with a laugh, his eyes widening “Woah ____, your jacked! Your almost getting as muscly as the commander!” you nearly spit your wine out at that “Shut up” you manage between giggles “I don’t have that much!” you push him teasingly.

“So…have you managed to see his muscles yet?” He wiggled his eyebrows at you, rolling your eyes you answer “No” you gesture to him to hand the bottle over. “but we have been together almost every night this week” you take a sip and flick your eyes over to him in a suggestive way. “Atta girl” He says taking a sip himself.

"He's been so busy getting ready for the expedition that we haven't been able to spend proper time together, basically I get to see him when I deliver paperwork" 

Agar nods and turns to you "Just lock the door next time and jump him" he says with a  smirk. You roll your eyes again "I would hate if our first time together was just a shitty office fuck" 

"Since when are you so sentimental?" He raises his brows at you "In training you were more than happy to unceremoniously go after what you wanted" 

You sigh, taking a big gulp before you answer "It's different with him" he grabs the bottle from you and ponders for a minute "You really do care about him don't you?" "I do" you admit. 

"Who would have thought that you of all people would become a lovesick puppy" he jokes before taking a swig and you smack him making the wine spurt out of his lips. "What the fuck ____?" He says between coughs 

"I'm not lovesick Agar I just....well I don't know but there's something there...I just" you trail off trying to collect your thoughts, the wine is definitely making your brain foggy

"Anyways, Why are you spending your day off getting drunk with me when you could be getting some quality time with him?" He hiccups loudly, quickly covering his mouth.

Laughing at his unfortunate problem, you gaze out at the river, taking in the scene, watching as the light dances on the water, reflecting patterns on the nearby wall. You lose your train of thought before you snap out of it and look to Agar "I honestly didn't even think of that" 

Agar hiccups again "You're a terrible girlfriend" he quips before you give him a deathglare. "What you guys haven't talked about that yet?" 

"No." You state as you finish the last of the bottle. "Maybe you should" "Yeah probably" "We should head back anyways" Agar goes to stand up and nearly crashes into you. Laughing you stand up and help pull him to his feet. "You really can't hold your alcohol" 

 

When you arrive at HQ, you both came to the realization that you were quite inebriated and really needed to get some food in you. "Wait, the wine!" Agar nearly shouts. You look down and remember your holding a bag with two bottles in it. Among you put your finger to your mouth and say "Let's hide this in your room, my roommate would steal it"

Giggling you both head to the boys barracks holding eachother up. Both too drunk to realize there were eyes on you. When you get to his room he shoves the bag under his bed and flops down on it. You quickly join him and immediately fall asleep. 

Waking up to a loud noise you sit up realizing you were snuggling with Agar, you snort when you see the drool stain he's left on his pillow. Rubbing your eyes you turn to see Erwin standing there with his arms crossed and a look on his face that could kill.

Swallowing, you sit up cautiously, it seems like you sobered up during your nap. You stand to talk to Erwin "Hey.." You start to say before he raises a hand to stop you.

You gulp as you mentally prepare yourself for what he has to say "_____, I must say I'm quite disappointed to have heard that you were sleeping in bed with another man" You look back at Agar you can't help but chortle "Agar? Oh Sina, no no he's just my best friend. I would never.." 

"And what about the drinking?" You shrug with a sigh "Yeah it's true we got drunk today. It was a day off and we wanted to relive the old days of our youth" you laugh, hoping he'll laugh too, but his face is still stern as ever. 

"Erwin I don't want you to think anything is happening here" you start before Agar lets out a loud snore. You turn to look at him briefly before stepping up to Erwin and grabbing his hands "You're the only one I want to be with Erwin" 

He reluctantly holds your hand back and runs his thumb along it. He sighs as he stares down at your intertwined fingers. "I hope it's the same for you too" you say in barely more than a whisper, nearly wincing as you realize how desperate you sound. 

He looks down at your intertwined hands and says "I didn't like that you were spending your day off with another man...and honestly finding you in here with him made me think the worst" You laugh again and untwine your fingers from his, only to wrap them around his neck. 

"Erwin Smith was jealous, hey?" You say in a teasing tone before planting a kiss on his lips. He looks away, almost embarrassed with a ghost of a smile. "I know we hadn't talked about it, but I do consider you mine, I hope that's alright with you" he says as he brings his hands up to your waist. 

You respond by grabbing his shirt and pulling him down to kiss you "I'll take that as a yes" he says with a smile when you finally come up for air. 

 “I have something in my office that I think you'd really like to see” Looking at him suspiciously you agree to go to his office with him, assuming your being reprimanded for the drinking. You agree before he adds that unfortunately you and Agar will both have to do extra work as punishment though.

 

Walking down the hall together, he strikes up a conversation with you “Has Levi been giving you a hard time?”

He has been busy training the regular recruits, he hasn’t seen the torture Levi has been putting his squad through. “Well, he gives us all a pretty hard time. I can see us all getting stronger from it. We have certainly bonded from his tyranny” he lightly smiles at that, looking back at you his eyes travel down to your lips and he subconsciously licks his own.

“Ah, yes we’re here” he says, opening the door and lightly guiding you in. This is only the second time you’ve been in his office that you've seen it so tidy, there’s far less paperwork than the first time, and he seems to have acquired a lot more books. You run your fingers over their spines as you see him digging through papers for something 

“Do you ever get time to read any of these?” You ask taking one off the shelf and blowing the dust off of it. “I did” he said finally finding it and standing up straight “but not since we got funding for this expedition” you give him a look as he hands you a letter.

‘Yep this is definitely Robbies handwriting’ you think as you look at the chicken scratch. You tear it open as Erwin watches you, unfolding the paper you begin to read through, it’s a short but sweet letter, but it was from your Robbie. You clutch it to your chest smiling once you’ve read it

“Good news?” He asks “just a little nonsense letter, he seems to be a really big fan of yours too” he laughed at this. You place the letter down on his desk.

“Me too” he looks down at you, smile fading, but his blue eyes still affectionate towards you. You both lean in to kiss. Soft at first but getting hungrier by the second. He pushes you against the desk and you groan into his mouth at his assertiveness. You bring your hands up and mess up his hair. You slide up onto his desk and he moves closer to you, standing in-between your legs, he clutches your body closer to his as your kiss gets more intense.

When you finally part, he goes straight to work kissing your jaw, working down your neck, heavy breathing on your ear. You feel him his clothed groin rub against you “Mm” you let out as you run your hands down his chest.

Suddenly you hear the door start to open and you both jump off of each other, he fixes his hair quickly and sits behind the desk clearing his throat just before Levi walks in. Your just standing there like an idiot when Erwin blurts out “that will be all ____” you nod silently and grab Robbies letter on your way out, giving Levi a quick smile ‘damn him’ as you shut the door.

You lean against the wall outside Erwins office sighing for a moment, before pushing off. 'Its probably a good thing he interrupted' you think as you touch your fingers to your mouth.

Getting back to your room and sit on the bed, reading the letter again. Your eyes get wet when you realize you haven’t seen Robbie in over 3 years ‘He must be so big now' you thought, clutching the letter to your chest again.

You head for the desk and start to write your own letter back. You told him about the Levi squad, the special training you’ve been receiving, how good the food is here, and how amazing his hero really is. You catch your mind wandering back to his passionate kiss. Closing your eyes and revelling for a moment before you seal up your letter, thinking about what Robbie must be doing right now. 

 

 Agar groans loudly, his hair disheveled and face pallid. He leans his forehead down onto the table as he desperately tries to stop the spinning.

You sit beside him and rub his back "You should really drink some water" you say, sliding the cup over, not realizing the sound was like nails on a chalkboard to him.

He pushes it away, but you force him to sit up and shove the cup to his mouth "Drink" you say sternly and you don't let him stop until it is done. "Doesn't that feel better?" You ask him like he's a child just to tease him. 

His eyes shoot daggers at you as you throw your hands up in a fake surrender "How the fuck are you so chipper?" He asks angrily.

You smile as press a finger to your chin, pretending to think really hard "Well you drank alot more than I did, and your tolerance is shit" you say dryly. 

"Though you'd be proud, we finally had the talk after he burst into your room finding us cuddled up on your bed" his eyes widen at this "He...he came into my room? Why?" 

"He thought you and I were getting drunk and hooking up" you both share a laugh at this. "He admired your tasteful drool stains on the pillow" "Shut up"

"You didn't tell him did you?" He says with worry painted on his extremely hungover face. "Of course not, I would never unless you wanted me to" you give him a reassuring squeeze on his hand. 

"Now eat your food, it'll make you feel better" you say reassuringly. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Never feel guilty for surviving

It’s been a few months since Erwin and you made it official. It’s been a struggle to hide it, Erwin is certainly not someone who passes by unnoticed on the HQ.

You’ve even gone into town together a couple times in plainclothes. Unknown to You, a few of the new recruits had seen you coming back holding hands and stopping every few moments for kisses. They started whispering about the two of you together until it finally reached your ears via Rielly. 

“By the walls!” you flushed red. “Is that really what they’re saying?” You pretend to look shocked. Seated at your groups favourite table in the mess hall, the place starts to fill up as Agar snickers, he knows the real truth.

“So…you’re not together then?” Rielly double checks. “No, of course not, what could he want with someone green like me?” Rielly scoffs “You’re green and you’re already considered one of the top 5 soldiers in the whole regiment” You beamed at this “Well” you shrug sarcastically. Rielly looks at you suspiciously as you drink your tea.

...

Laying across your beau, you prop your elbow up to look at him, placing your chin in your hand “So I heard there’s rumours going around about us” you raise your eyebrows at him as he see his eyes widen. “We’ve been so discreet though” you laugh.

“Ah yes so discreet that you pull me into dark corners” he looks down “So discreet” you say as you continue tracing your fingers along his bare chest “That I’m sure nobody notices me leave your room in the dead of night, I’m sure my brat roommate is partly to thank for the rumors , tch” Erwin looks at you “What!?” you say “you’ve been working under Levi far too long, your starting to sound like him” he chuckles as you look mortified at the thought.

He kisses your hand “We'll just have to more careful” hey says. He sighs, hesitating for a moment “____, I’ve put in a request for funding an expedition beyond the walls” he intertwine your hands “You’ll finally get to see the outside world” he smiles at you.

Gulping, you say “And my first titan…” he grimaced, running his hand down your face “You are an incredible soldier, you’ll do great. We won’t put you and Jorah on the front lines yet. We need you to see how things go on an expedition first. You could call this a test run” he says studying your hands as they’re clasped together. You sink back into the pillow, worried.

...

  
You’re trying to sneak back into your room without disturbing your nosey roommate. To your surprise, she is still awake. She closes her book and looks you up and down. “So, where have you been sneaking around tonight?” she asks with a smug look on her face. “You been getting extra lessons from the commander? I didn’t know you could fuck the commander to get a higher rank”

You roll your eyes with an exasperated sigh. “By the walls, do you ever shut up? I was chosen because I have impressed Levi, it’s not my problem that you weren’t competent enough to get a spot on the squad” She gives you more attitude, as you slip your ODM straps off, placing them on the table beside your bed.

Ignoring her you start unbutton the top of your shirt accidentally revealing some of Erwins handiwork on your collarbone. “Hmm” she squeaks, pointing her chin at your collarbone “I don’t recall you having that before going over there” you quickly look in the small mirror, exhaling as you try to come up with an excuse. “If you trained as hard as my squad, you would have some bruises too” you knew this would piss her off, sometimes you enjoyed fueling the fire because it was hilarious watching someone 10 years younger than you try to argue with you.

You slip into bed blowing out the only candle. “Night” you say as she fumes in the dark.

...

It's finally time for your first mission outside the walls, you nervously poke at your breakfast, trying not to let it show. You wish you could just lie in bed with Erwin. You had only left his bed an hour ago, but it feels like it’s been so long.

Though you’ve only been together just shy of half a year, it felt like it flew by. Amazing how being happy with someone can make time speed up. ‘I wish it would slow down’ you think as you finally manage a bite, butterflies never leaving your chest. You inhale deeply, before forcing down another bite.

You and Jorah, being new recruits will be placed behind command. They wanted to let the two of you see how things were run, hoping not to throw you to the wolves on your first expedition. You gulp as you see Erwin and Levi walk in, scanning the room, they call you over, calling Jorah over as he just gets his tray.

You pick yours up and sit at their table, putting on your best poker face, you can tell Erwin sees right through it. With concerned eyes, and ever stoic face he grabs your arm reassuringly, before quickly taking it away.

Jorah takes a seat beside you, he silently bites into his food, waiting for someone to say something, you can see he’s trying not to be his usual pig self in front of them, you stifle a laugh at this, covering your mouth. Jorah shoots you a look of disbelief, kicking your foot under the table, causing you to break.

Levi and Erwin share a look before Erwin speaks “You two nervous?” He looks at both of you. “Umm a bit sir” Jorah says as he slumps down a bit ‘he’s still so timid despite being such a big kid, he’s almost as big as Erwin and he still stammers like a schoolyard bully is after him. I suppose he is only 16' you shrug to yourself.

Erwin turns his attention to you. Inhaling, you say “yes of course I’m a little nervous, it’s my first outside of the walls. I’ll no doubt see my first titan” Levi is paying attention to you now “It's only a test run, we’ll go out, survey the area, and head back” he almost sounds reassuring despite his usual despondent tone. You nod as you choke down another bite of food. "Not everyone gets such a safe spot when they're new" he mumbles under his breath.

“He’s right, in theory it should be a simple mission, but as i'm sure you’ve learned, there is rarely such thing as a simple mission. You will observe today, only engaging in battle if absolutely necessary” His eyes practically smiled at you as you sip your tea, oblivious to Levis annoyance.

...

  
You arrive in Shiganshina, you haven’t been home in so long, Erwin didn’t grant you permission to see you’re brother before heading out, he didn’t want it to appear like he was giving you special treatment. You understood, but were still a bit upset all the same.

You scan the crowds looking for your brother, you look up and see two kids, one with bright green eyes, about your brothers age, he looked so excited to see you. You smiled at him and he excitedly turns to his friend. He looked fairly familiar to you, shaking it off you slow your horse as you keep looking for Robbie, you finally spot him and can’t believe how grown up he is, you look over to Erwin with pleading eyes, he sees your brother closely resembling you and nods his head.

Luckily you were only walking your horse. Trying to preserve yourself for the long journey, it always hurt you to ride more than you had to. Robbie runs up to you screaming your name as you smile and take him in your arms. Levi looks down to you as you walk with your brother, happily chatting. He looks back at Erwin, who was also looking down on you two with a soft smile on his face. He notices Levi looking and straightens up. “Tch” he snorts with an eyeroll.

You hear the gates start to open and you give Robbie one last hug “I love you Robbie, I’ll see you when I get back ok?” He swings his head down, but moves back to the crowd waving to you frantically. You smile as you hop up on your horse, looking back at him one last time before Erwin shouts out “Survey Corps, Move out!” raising his sword into the air you all shout and get moving out the gate.

As you guide your horse out, you look up in awe. Feeling the breeze on your face, land for miles and miles, no wall in sight. You breathe in the sweet air as you see Erwin pull up his horse beside you “Amazing isn’t it?” He smiles as you look around fascinated at how all this beautiful land can be so dangerous.

“Engage long range scouting formation!” he shouts, snapping you out of your serenity. You fall back behind him, Jorah beside you. The two of you look at each other before seeing all the other horses fan out into the formation. You hear the gate begin to close behind you.

You see a red flare up ahead and gulp. Glancing over at Jorah you see fear in his eyes. You mouth to him ‘we’ve got this’ you’re horse continues on as you follow behind Erwin, his usually neat hair blowing in the wind as he shouts something to Levi. You hear gigantic footsteps and take a deep breath in, mentally preparing yourself as Erwin shoots a green flare to the left, you see three more green flares shoot up, everyone begins shifting their course.

...

It happened so fast. A horde of titans approached from behind, the spotters barely had time to shoot off any flares. You stared up at the remnants of black flare up in the sky as you hurry your horse. Thankful one ran by as you were lying on the ground.

  
A titan had made a move to grab you, killing your horse in the process, you struggled to break free of its grasp as you watch in horror of being brought closer to its mouth. You manage to slice two of its fingers off, wriggling free you use your ODM to shoot off towards a tree. Taking a deep breath in, preparing to take down your first titan, you aim a hook at its head, thrusting yourself forward, swords out you bore them down into the titans neck. You did it. It starts to fall as You balance on its shoulder blade .

You glance up when you hear screaming and your friend Jorah has been cornered by two titans. You hit the ground running, as you start to take aim at a shoulder, flinging yourself up into the air, screaming as steaming hot titan blood sprays your face, rubbing it off with your sleeve you set to work on killing the next titan, when you notice Jorah is nearly in its mouth. Flying in backwards you slam both swords into it’s nape. The titan drops Jorah hard. You hear a loud crack as he hits the ground.

“No…no..no it can’t be” you whisper to yourself as you slip down to him. His breathing is raspy, you can hear the blood in his lungs. Tears filling your eyes, you grab his hands to comfort him. “Jorah I’m so sorry” You burst into tears “I should have just grabbed you and ran”

He coughs up blood as you cup his cheek. “We finally got to see the outside” he manages “Yeah, we did” trying to blink your tears away. He coughs more, then smiles as you look down on him, heartbroken.

You can feel him slip away, as his smile fades. You cry out in anguish when you hear more footsteps approaching, you blink back tears ‘I have to be strong’ you thought as you shoot off another black flare.

You get up and start running, looking for any sign of someone alive. The footsteps getting louder, when you slip, falling hard. You heard a pop, as you fell.

Suddenly you hear a horse, whipping your head over you whistle to it, and to your surprise it comes right over to you. Hopping on fast, you go full speed ahead, trying to get back to the group.

...

  
Looking back up at the black flare, almost gone now. You feel tight in your throat, wondering if you are even going the right direction. Everything got so turned around when that horde came. You wonder if you’ll ever make it back to safety. ‘maybe I should have died with Jorah’ you look up and miraculously see a green flare. You laugh in relief and guide your horse toward the flare in the sky.

  
You’ve been riding for what seems like hours, your legs are exhausted, you are covered in the blood of one of your best friends, you’re pretty sure your shoulder is dislocated, you glance at it, bouncing from the bumpy ride. You finally spot the green cloaks and hurry your horse up to catch them.

You get beside them and see it’s Levi and Hange. They look to you and see you covered in blood. “You’re alive!?” exclaimed Levi, eyes wider than usual.

“I made it, but nobody behind me did” solemnly you add “Jorah” you struggle to hide your tears as they look on “I didn’t save him, I…” Levi puts a hand up “We risk our lives every time we leave the walls. We can’t save everyone” acknowledging it, you wipe the wetness from your eyes, only smearing the blood more.

“I’m sorry to hear about your friend ____, that’s the worst thing about being in the survey corps” Hange says solemnly. It was strange hearing her not being her upbeat self, you almost expected her to be cracking jokes at you right now.

“Well I think Erwin will be pleased you survived” Levi states impassively. “Levi, please!” Hange shouts. You lift your eyes to levis as he glances your way raising his brows. He scoffs at Hange “You two aren’t as discreet as you think you are” he states, looking forward again.

Hange laughs nervously. Shooting your eyes down, you tighten your grip on the reigns you ask “So where is he anyways? Is he ok?” You ask, trying to change the subject. “He’s perfectly fine, brat. Just moved up ahead, we are retreating” motioning ahead of you.

Like clockwork a green flares flies up into the air as you approach the wall. “What about the bodies?” You inquire in a grave voice. Levi glances over to you, as you start to see the green shapes on horses get bigger upon your approach. “Our first priority is to get back to the walls safe and sound. Erwin will determine if we are able to return to retrieve the bodies” he says coldly. You decide not to say anything, you can see everyone standing on their horses by the gate, having a discussion.

Erwin nearly does a double take of you, losing his composure for a few seconds “_____?” I was sure you died out there” he steps forward, looking at the blood all over you. “I…” you sighed, holding back the tears again ‘get it together’ you chastise yourself. “I survived, but I didn’t see any other survivors. Jorah died right in front of me” you breathe in sharply, doing your best not to let anyone see you upset. “It was my fault”

A look of concern washed over Erwins face, he knew that Jorah and you had become close friends since you’ve arrived here. To lose him on your first expedition must be devastating, not to mention blaming yourself for it. You attempt to get off your horse, seething in pain, you realize you probably only made it up on your horse from adrenaline.

“Your arm” he states, gaining his composure. “Are you able to get down?” He asks. Embarrassed to be so hurt, knowing they all thought you were the rising star of the scout regiment, you look at Levi who is now staring at your bloodied arm. “I think it’s dislocated “ you say distantly, staring into the wall.

Suddenly you feel hands crack your shoulder into place as you cry out in pain. Levi settles back onto his horse. ‘How did he even reach that far?’ You think, holding your shoulder which now felt a lot better. You start to move it around, testing it, feels fine. “Thanks Levi” you say as you finally jump from your horse.

Looking down at yourself, you see just how filthy and covered in blood you are. Other soldiers whisper as they see Erwin, still observing you. You knew what they were whispering, you didn’t care, you just wanted to be in his embrace.

“Do you think we’re able to collect the bodies?” You ask hopefully. He looked down on you, stoic faced “Not this time. We don’t have enough survivors to collect them, two of the wagons didn’t even make it back” peering behind him, you estimate there’s barely 200 people “Is this all that’s left?” He nods.

You take note of all of the injuries, a lot are worse than yours. You left the walls with 300. This is what the Survey Corps really is. You’ve grown so accustomed to the late night walks, the friendly sparring, the routine of it all that you’d lost sight of what you were training for. It is truly horrifying beyond the walls.

...

  
Marching back through the gate, leading your horse. Thinking back on the day, you couldn’t believe the things you saw. Your gloomy thoughts are interrupted when you hear your name, looking for the source you find your little brother staring at you in horror.

Taken aback by this, you look down and remember that you are covered in blood, of course they didn’t have anything you could clean up with, so you had to wait until you got to the base to clean it off.

Your brother gingerly approaches you “Are you ok, ____? Did you kill any titans?” You look at him, expressionless. “3” you nearly whisper “I killed 3 titans today” barely noticing your lack of emotion Robbie starts shouting “Yeah! My sister killed 3 titans!!” you force a smile “I gotta go Robbie, I’ll write to you soon” you say, detached. “Okay!” he exclaims as he runs off to his friends.

You watch as he talks to that green eyed boy again, they both look over you excitedly as you turn to just look forward. Erwin watches you from up on his horse, he can see you’ve changed. He hoped you haven’t been too scarred from your first expedition.

...

Hopping off your horse, you tie her up and take the saddle off, hanging it on the wall. You stand there staring at it for a while. You remembered the times that you and Jorah had spent in here, you were still expecting him to come in and give you a push, teasing you about whatever new thing he thought up.

Tears start to fall from your eyes as you feel arms wrap around you, you turn to see who it is. His usually piercing blue eyes are soft, he brings you in for a hug, wrapping you in his green cloak. You sob into his chest, he tries his best to soothe you.

“I’m so sorry ____” he says closing his eyes and leaning into your head, devastated at seeing you so hurt. “I thought I lost you out there too” you grab his shirt in your hands, sniffling loudly “how do you do it?” You ask between sobs “how do you deal with so much death?”

He furrows his brows, he’s been asked this so many times before, but never by someone he cared about the way he cared for you. Most people accused him of being heartless, a monster. He didn’t blame them. From their point of view he brought people into pointless death. They didn’t know what the Survey Corps was truly about.

He strokes your hair, contemplating. “I’ve closed my heart for years, it’s easier to cope with it if you force yourself to feel indifferent” you look up at him, eyes still wet. He runs his thumb under your eye, wiping away the wetness. “You’re the only one I’ve allowed myself to get close to all this time” you press your head back to his chest. “I don’t think I’d be able to do that” You wrap your arms around him

“Not everyone has a cold heart like me” he says half jokingly. “how can someone so cold hearted make me fall for him then?” You grumble into his chest. He brings your chin up, pulling you into a kiss. “Come on, you can use the shower in my quarters, you need your privacy” he gently pushes the small of your back, guiding you out.

  
The soldiers who stayed back, stared as you walked past with the commander. Your uniform was destroyed from the blood, surely you looked like a nightmare. You glance over at Erwin, he seemed unfazed by the red smudges you left on his shirt . He touches your arm with his hand when you turn corner.

...

  
Stepping into his office, he locks the door behind him and grabs your hand, leading you to his private bathroom. He turns on the shower and takes your jacket off. You stand there still as can be, staring at nothing while he undresses you.

He guides you into the shower before taking off his own clothes to join you. He works on getting the blood off your skin before washing your hair. He says nothing, but you can feel his concern while he cleans you.

Once your totally clean he pulls you into another hug, kissing the top of your head while the water runs down on you. You manage to thank him as he turns the water off and dries you off. He gives you a fresh clothes to wear as he tucks you into his bed. He kisses you as you look up at him with tears in your eyes.

He sits on the bed beside you and strokes your arm. “I love you ____” he says looking down at your arm “I can’t stand seeing you in pain like this” clenching his jaw, you sit up. Leaning your head on his shoulder. You stay like that for a while just being together. “I love you too Erwin” you finally break the silence. He smiles at this and leans in for a kiss. He climbs under the covers and holds you as you drift to sleep.

...

  
Waking up to an empty bed, you see candlelight under the door, pushing it open you see Erwin working at his desk, scrunching his brows as he shuffles papers before filling another one out. He finally notices you and smiles. You look at his mountain of paperwork “do you need help?” You inquire. “No, no ___ you just rest up, I’ll be finished in a half hour” you nod and approach him, putting your arms over him, you lean over his shoulder and kiss his cheek. “Thank you for taking care of me” you quietly say as you lean your cheek into his.

...

  
You wake up to Erwins blonde hair grazing your chin. You realize he is face down in your chest, hugging you tightly. You start to remove yourself from his grasp, only to have him grasp you tighter.

“Hey!” you say giggling, he brings his laughing face up to yours and gives you a quick kiss before rolling off of you. Glancing at the clock, you gasp in shock “I stayed here all night!” you look at him as he still has that look on his face.

"Erwin, there’s no way we can hide me coming out of here this late in the morning” he grabs your hand smiling. “I got your spare uniform, you can wear that out” you gaze at him “How..” You begin to say when he cuts you off “I got Hange to go get it, you are right that roommate of yours is very nosey”

You breathed a sigh of relief that he didn’t get it himself, imagine what she’d say about that. “Now get dressed, we are debriefing before breakfast” he lightly smacks your bum and you squeak, much to his delight.

You grab the uniform off the table and start getting dressed. He does the same. He adjusts his bolo tie while you throw your hair into a quick braid, you turn to face each other “Look like we just had a meeting?” You giggle.

He grabs you into a kiss, on releasing from you “One for the road” he says before grabbing a handful of papers from his desk and opening the door. He last minute shoves a few in your hand to make it look like you were indeed having a meeting. You follow behind, turning red at the surprising amount of people in the hallway that just saw you exit the commanders office.

  
Getting to the debriefing room, you silently hand your share of the papers to Erwin before settling into formation with the other scouts. Erwin gets to the front of the crowd, everyone salutes him. He scans the crowd, going over the lists he wrote last night in his head.

“Good morning soldiers” he finally speaks “We have unfortunately lost the lives of 86 of our comrades. If any of you have information regarding the deaths, please see me after breakfast so I may add it to our reports. Our mission was successful in that we scouted out a new area to us, our comrades did not go in vain" He looks down, stoic as ever “We will continue to train and persevere. We will take back our land” he nods as everyone shouts in prideful unison.

“I will grant each of you a day to yourselves tomorrow. Today we will wrap up our expedition reports, repair any damage to equipment. Now go eat” he says motioning his hand at the door as soldiers filter through it. You stay in place as they walk past, when you spot Agar.

Smiling while the two of you hug tightly “You made it!” you say into his shoulder. Pulling away from the hug the two of you start talking about things that happened, when you suddenly realize you haven’t seen Rielly yet. “He didn’t…” you start before Agar stops you “He’s pretty beaten up but He’s alright” you throw your arms up to your head in relief.

“I heard you saw Jorah die…” he says cautiously. You nod sadly, peeking over at Erwin who is now shuffling his papers, preparing for the next group. Erwin knew there wasn’t anything to worry about with you and Agar, he was practically your brother after all these years.

“I didn’t get to him fast enough, the titan dropped him, he coughed blood all over me as he died in my arms” you say solemnly “Of course, he had to get in one last thing to bug you before he dies” you smile at this, it’s true he is probably laughing somewhere at how horrifying he made you look.

Agar glances back at Erwin “I hope he's taking good care of you” he whispers, clutching your shoulders. “Yeah, he is” you smile at him. You start to walk with him, as you exit the door you whisper to him “he told me he loves me” with a satisfied smile.

Agar laughs as he throws his arm around you, shaking your shoulder “Of course he did, you can make anyone fall for you” you grab his forearm shaking it “Aw Agar, I’m sure you’ll find your own commander one day!” you tease as he ruffles your hair up making you laugh harder.

  
Erwin looks towards the door of the now empty room, he had hoped you’d stay behind. As he watched you with your best friend, he realized he shouldn’t be so selfish, you hadn’t even seen Agar since coming back to the HQ. He was so relieved that you were back to your usual joking self. He’s seen people break before. He’s had to remove the ropes from ceilings, people who just couldn’t take it anymore, not that he blamed them. We really did get screwed over in this life.

He places the papers on the table, pages upon pages of fallen soldiers, his eyes fall on Jorahs name. Sighing he leaves to get his breakfast. Entering the hall he sees Agars arm around you as he playfully roughs up your hair making you laugh, his throat tightens as he feels a pang of jealousy that he can’t show his affections with you in public. He stays back a bit to give you your space before he continues on down the same hallway.

...

  
After breakfast you and Agar head down to the medical building to visit Rielly. Walking in You see the building filled to the brim with hurt soldiers. Finally spotting him you come up to his bed, noticing his comically large bandage wrapped around his head forcing his hair to poke out in random spots ‘must be Hanges handiwork’ you thought.

Sitting on either side of him, you both look down at him sleeping “Hey” you say softly as his eyes flutter open “____!?” He says, eyes wild. “But..I saw a titan grab you!” Agar looks to you with shock, you didn’t tell him that part. “I managed to escape. You got roughed up pretty bad, huh?” you say as you inspect his bandage. “I was one of the lucky ones” he groans as he gets to sit up.

You gently push him back down. “Just relax, buddy” Agar says softly. “Well at least I can shove it in Jorahs face that I made it, he kept bugging me about how I would never make it out alive” he laughs, wincing at the pain in his head. Agar and you share a look before Agar speaks “Jorah didn’t make it”

Rielly slumps down, his eyes darkening in sorrow “how did I survive and he didn’t?” dejected the throws his face in his hands, dragging them down as he chokes up.

“You survived and that’s what counts. You keep carrying on in his memory. Make him proud” Agar says, trying to build his friend back up. Sometimes Agar can be so strong. He may joke around a lot, but when it’s important he can make anyone feel better.

...

  
The two of you come back into the debriefing room where solemn looking soldiers are standing around, waiting to give their statements to Erwin. Erwins face is serious as he takes down notes. You knew him well enough that You could see he needed a good break

“I’m going to get him some tea, I think we should help him get the last of these statements” Agar nods as you walk off, he approaches the commander and offers his help, Erwin gratefully accepts, letting Agar sit next to him and handing him a pen.

When you get back with the tea there are only four people left, you place the tray down for them and Erwin takes the mug you hand him thanking you while you pour one for Agar too. He nods his thanks as you sit join them, he hands you forms as your start sorting them.

Once finished you start gathering up the papers when Erwin stops you. He let his guard down a little around Agar, as you’ve told him that he knows. Couldn’t keep it from your best friend after all.

“I’m sorry but we have one more” Erwin looks up at you apologetic. “Of course” you say sitting back down.

Agar steps back a bit to give you guys space, he finished your job of sorting through them all, making neat piles. “Was it just Jorah you saw die?” He asks, pen poised. “No. I saw about three other people behind me go down, I didn’t know their names” you admitted guilty. “We can cross reference with the formation plans” he adds helpfully. That’s not what bothered you though. You didn’t like that you’ve been here for just over six months and you still didn’t know their names, they died right behind you, and you didn’t even recognize their faces.

Erwin sees you’re upset and squeezes your hand where it rests on the table. Agar notices and softly smiles. “So tell me about Jorah” he finally says. Taking a deep breath, you squeeze his hand back. “A titan grabbed me right off my horse” Erwin tenses “I managed to escape it but I heard screams so I run to Jorah and he has two titans on him. I took them both down, but not before one had him in his grasp.” You tear up making Erwin scoot closer to you

“The titan dropped him from so far up, it crushed him when he fell” a tear falls and he quickly wipes it away, keeping his hand there for a minute forgetting Agar was still in the room. “When I got to him there was so much blood, I tried to keep him comfortable, but he was too far gone” you sniffle, trying to calm yourself.

“I didn’t have a horse, I heard a titan coming so I left his body there” Agar looks at you “he was already gone, you helped him pass peacefully” he said softly from behind you. You barely crack a smile at that

“He’s right _____, You gave him comfort then escaped. Never feel guilty for surviving” he stares into your eyes as he says this. “How did you get to Levi?” He then asks. “I was running for what felt like ages, I couldn’t even tell what direction I was running in, a horse ran past me so I got on and kept riding. I had no idea if I was going the right way, I didn’t see the flare for another 20 minutes. When I saw it I followed it” Erwin contemplates this.

He writes down what you’ve told him in short form. Finishing he puts the pen down and grabs your hand with both of his. “You don’t need to do anything else for today. Just take the day to recuperate” nodding at your shoulder “How is your shoulder, do you need it looked at again?” You move it back and forth, testing again “No, I think Levi snapped it back just right” Agar looks at you confused “Levi did what?” He questions.

You laugh “My arm came completely out of its socket, Levi decided to fix it with no warning, I’m sure you could have heard my scream all the way from Trost” 

“Glad you’re good” he says. Erwin throws a friendly glance at him. He was trying not to seem aggressive towards Agar, he didn’t want his lovers best friend not to like him. “Thank you for helping me with these, I’ll finish it off in my office” He stands up to collect the papers from the desk and from Agar, taking his leave.

After Erwin exits, Agar quickly jumps down into the seat he just vacated. Propping his elbows on the desk, he looks at you with his face in his hands. “What!?” You say “He wants you to come to his office, you know. I think you should surprise him with something a little sweet” he wiggled his eyebrows as you shake your head smiling.

“So now you really like him?” You ask. “I can see now that he’s not just with you for a roll around the hay” you put your hands up “I’ve been saying that since the beginning!” you laugh “soon there’ll be little commander/subordinates babies running around….” He starts to say before you push his arms out from under him

“You’re enough to handle as is, I don’t need more babies” he fakes offense as you both erupt into laughter. “I still need to do my ODM, wanna help so we can get out of here?” dragging yourself up “I still have to do mine too, let’s get it over with”

...

  
You and Agar start walking around the compound, catching up. You feel like you never see him anymore, you’ve missed your friend. You guys come across a small wooden fence and lean back on it, taking in the view. “We survived out first expedition” he says in a drawn out way. “Yeah” you say basking in the sun.

“Remember 3 years ago when we always said that we’d find a way to venture out on our own..” He looks at you “to see what’s out there” he finished for you. You return the look “I don’t think I want to do that anymore” you laugh “yeah I’m gonna say no to that too” He grins at you.

“So how creeped out was Robbie when he saw you covered in blood?” He asks you, picking up a piece of grass and chewing on it “Does he still want to join the survey corps?” You pinch your nose “Augh I was so short with him when we came back, I couldn’t even comprehend proper conversations. He must think I was so rude to him” he shrugs “Yeah well he worships you so I’m sure he isn’t even phased by it” you nod “You’re probably right, he looked excited enough to run and tell that doctors kid, almost like he was showing off”

Agar snorts “Sounds like the little Robbie we know” he’s only met Robbie twice, he came back to Shiganshina with you when you were granted visiting time by the training corps. He didn’t have family, but you both accepted him in as one of yours. Something that helped solidify your friendship.

You both walk over and lay under a tree, staring up at the sky through the leaves. Agar picks up a leaf and examines it. “It feels so weird not to have anything to do” you say, breaking the comfortable silence between you. Flicking the leaf away, he glances at you “I think you have something you can do” he moves his hips up and down, you cackle as you lightly kick him.

“Is our fierce commander secretly a softie? He can be pretty scary sometimes” he laughs “Oh yeah” you say, propping yourself up on elbows “He keeps that hardcore stoic face out here, but I’ve seen him show many emotions” You say in a sarcastic tone.

“Yeah I’ve only ever seen him incredibly angry, or just completely focused on his work, I think today was the first time I’ve ever seen him crack a smile. He’s got a great poker face” you bit your lip “I sure the fuck don’t” you both laugh at this “you’ve never been good at hiding things”

...

  
You wake up suddenly and realize you both fell asleep on the grass. You look over to Agar and he has a sunburn splashed across his cheeks. You chuckle as you poke it, waking him up. “Urggh what the…” He opens his eyes and realised where he is “What time is it?” He groggily asks you.

You look around for clues and see the sun starting to set and soldiers all heading towards the mess hall. You lick your lips, stomach growling “Dinner time” you grab his hand and pull him up as you jaunt towards the prospect of food.

  
You noticed that Erwin wasn’t there, so you decided to grab a couple things and bring it to his office, knocking on his door he says to come in. You open the door to a mass of papers and a frustrated looking Erwin. He sees the tray of food you have and nods “Hmm I guess I got so wrapped up in work I never came by to eat” he lifts himself up from the chairs behind his desk, stretching out as he walks toward you.

Placing the tray down on the coffee table you tip toe up to give him a kiss “Have you even taken a break yet today?” You question him, worried. He sighs “When did I see you last?” You click your tongue “about 5 hours ago” exhaling he says “I haven’t stopped in 5 hours then” you lightly pat your palm on his chest “You need to relax, Commander Smith” he smiles at this. “When we start doing more expeditions this is what it will be like. The past year has been a breeze”

Sitting down on the sofa, you sigh “So you’re saying i've had it pretty easy since I’ve gotten here?” He joins you and leans back “it’s only going to get harder from here” he shrugs, leaning forward to take as bite of the food you brought him.

You slide up and squeeze his shoulders from behind. He looks back up at you, still chewing his food as you smile down at him, wrapping your arms around the front of him. Resting your head on his shoulder. “I’ll help any way I can, I can’t have my commander cooped up in his office forever” you pout.

He laughs and goes in for more food. You stay resting on his shoulder, letting him finish his meal before you start to give him a gentle massage on his back. “Hmm” he sighs as you start to relieve the stress of the day, his tired muscles thanking you. Leaning back over you give him a quick peck on the cheek before resting your chin on him again. He turns to you and grazes your lips with his.

“Ughhh” he says, you pull back giving him a look of confusion “Am I that disgusting?” You say pretending to be completely offended. “No ____, I just need to get this last bit done so it can be sent out first thing in the morning” he kisses you “You’re too good a distraction” he groans into your lips as he presses them in again, grabbing at your thigh.

You jump off the couch and head for the desk. “What do you have left? I can help make it faster” you smile as you gesture at your body. He bites his lip as he looks over at you. “You won’t like it” he warns, getting up. You give him a look. “Fine, if you wish. I must condense the eye witness reports with the files of the fallen soldiers” he gazes up gravely “You don’t have to” looking down at the pile, a little torn. “No, I want to” you smile, grabbing a large pile and bringing it over to the coffee table, moving the food tray out of the way. He looks at the woman he loves, willing to sacrifice her own comfort to make his day easier.

Grabbing the rest of the papers, he has a seat next to you, looking at your in adoration. “I love you ____” he says, you look up from what you’re doing and smile up at him “I love you too Erwin” you're both beaming as he shows you how to organize the reports. You both set to work and have it done in no time.

Placing the last folder into an envelope, he breathes out. “I’m all yours now”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if the pacing seems off?


End file.
